Christmas Cookie Liability: The Santa Claus Clause

Think activists are taking a holiday break? While a reprieve from culinary scaremongering and guilt-trips might make a nice present for all of us, trial lawyers and self-anointed obesity warriors are always looking for ways to make our Christmas holiday season not so jolly. Consider the ridiculous past antics of anti-fat fanatic MeMe Roth, who has attacked St. Nick’s rotund form (along with ice cream toppings and Girl Scout cookies). Then there are the Grinch-like trial lawyers like John "Sue the Bastards" Banzhaf who are eager to file lawsuits against restaurants, school boards, and even parents because they hope big bellies will equal fat wallets.
What’s the cure for these "public health" crusaders? Protecting yourself with our Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement to keep you off the activists’ "naughty" lists – and out of court. Make sure you leave it out with the milk and cookies for Santa to sign. By getting St. Nick to put his John Hancock on the dotted line of our waiver, he agrees not to haul you into court for:

Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the "Grandma’s secret recipe" clause);
Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste too good and are provided at no cost;
Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;
Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption;
Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and
Failure to notify that eating too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause"). 

Click here to download the Agreement, and make your holidays lovely and litigation-free.

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