You Can Take Our Cupcakes When You Pry Them From Our Cold, Frosting-Coated Hands

In an age when entire cities ban common food ingredients, is it any wonder that cupcakes are getting trampled too? Tired of the treats being crushed by Big Government as urged by the Center for Science in the Public Interest and its activist ilk, parents at one suburban school outside D.C. are standing up for the right to bring cupcakes in:

When the principal at George Mason Elementary School in Alexandria explained to the PTA earlier this year that cupcakes were out, a furor erupted.

"A lot of people are really angry," said Karen Epperson, a George Mason parent. "They think this is really stupid."

In the words of one anthropologist (if you can get past a little ridiculous academic-speak), attacking cupcakes is a little like attacking America:

Banning cupcakes is almost like an assault on the national identity. It comes at a time when there are fears of terrorism and the immigration brouhaha that they're 'watering down' our traditional American culture — meaning middle-class white America — that's slipping out of our grasp.

The cupcake ban, of course, reminds us of previous attempts to regulate away our delicious liberties. Former Texas Agricultural Commissioner and self-described "food czarina" Susan Combs attempted a similar such ban statewide, but the response "was so deafening that legislators passed the 'Safe Cupcake Amendment' to protect the right of parents to tote cupcakes to school. After the vote, one lawmaker remarked, 'We didn't realize how important cupcakes were.'" Combs has since moved on to become state comptroller, where she will presumably crack down on "sweet deals." One parent interviewed by The Washington Post summed the problem up thusly: "I'm torn. I see the desirability of the health goals. But I feel for parents who think we don't offer things just for fun anymore at school." "Oddly enough," the Post reported, "once cupcakes were banned at school, she found herself baking them at home. For the first time in her life."

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